Life is perfect

According to a personal coach that I follow on Facebook, everything is perfect the way it is. Life and its chaos, my life and the turbulence I put up with, the trouble I cause myself, the emotive reactions I have that cause me further trouble, is all apparently perfect too.

Sounds impossible. But I thought it might be worth exploring. Its seems like the world is actually showing you what you need to see, telling you what you need to hear, and it is all there right now, perfect in its wholeness. If this is the case, I really should explore the troubles I am having and the patterns that my life seems to take on a regular basis.

I have started a new job just three months ago and I am exhausted. Prior to this I was working in the family business and working about 12 hours a week, if that. I was cruising and generally being lazy. My choices were based on ease, not on my goals and plans. I was getting fatter, sleeping too much, and feeling worse about myself as the days went on. I was lost, feeling like I was wasting away and everything that I had worked so hard for. I was wasting my time, I was failing at my dreams of starting my own business, all because I did not have the confidence to get out there and give it a crack. It sounds like I totally dropped the ball, but it was not like that. I was really trying to stick to my plans and I kept making goals, but I also kept giving up and making bad choices, getting back on track and repeating the same bad choices. I was on a merry-go round, and slowly spiraling down hill. Three and a half years later I realize now how far I have fallen, and I am unsure how I can climb back up the ladder.

I have just finished my probationary period, so I am slightly relieved, but still struggling with a few issues from my upper management. It seems to be expected that I work 10-hour days, which is impossible as a single mother of two teenagers, but I actually don’t believe in working overtime on a regular basis. I need to hone my assertive skills and it feels difficult and scary. I need to be very organized and I am struggling immensely to feel on top of things. I feel like I put in a lot of work for not a lot of outcome. I feel frustrated with others incapacity to do what they are supposed to do. I feel that people say they are doing things, but are not actually following through with them, making excuse after excuse.

So now, I am not only feeling the pressure of my work and extended hours, but the also the pressure to reverse the effects from my previous choices. It feels like a double-whammy. And because this is not enough, my son is also struggling through his last year of school and I am extremely worried about him every day, hoping for the best but fearing the worst, and my life seems to be on hold just to help him make it through the year.

So how is all this perfect?

The Perfect Event	The Perfect Lesson
Working new long hours	It has shown me that a hard work is rewarding, not easy, but more rewarding than being slack.
Failing at starting my own business	I realize that success needs belief in myself, and I realize that I need to change my outlook to be successful in the future
Making bad choices	This has shown me that consistent good choices are needed for success. Consistency is paramount, not the stop/start method that helped me spiral downwards.
Expected to work long hours	Learning to stand up for my beliefs, but to also ensure I am putting in the efforts to show that this situation is not necessary.
Needing to be organized	Teaching me that an organized strategy is needed, not simply a hit and miss approach
Feeling frustrated by others	Shows me how my issues affect those around me, not following through with what I say or plan to do must be very frustrating for others.
Putting in a lot of work for little outcome	Sometimes things do not immediately yield results, but this is no reason to give up. It is more reason to push through and come out the other side.
Dealing with others peoples excuses	Excuses do not change the fact that the job has not been done.
Having to manage my son’s issues while I struggle with my own.	Life throws curve balls. There is never the perfect time to reach for your goals. You can only control the effort you put in, not what else life throws at you at the time. Family comes first.

Now I can see how perfect my current situation actually is. These are lessons that I have been shown. Life is being very clear by showing me what I need to do.

Perfect!

Choosing Self-sabotage

I truly believe that when you are ready to listen, things present themselves that speak to you. Like accidentally finding the perfect blog post or tweet that it exactly what you needed to read. this has happened to me twice in the last week.

Firstly, I came across a Michelle Bridges 12wbt video this evening about self-sabotage. It started me thinking about the journey I am taking, and the difficulties I am having. Lately I have been putting only fifty percent effort into my health and running. I have been tired and only fitting in one or two exercise sessions per week and eating well during the day and struggling in the evenings. My intentions have been in the right place, but my actions are telling a different story.

I am making excuses. I am sabotaging my success.

Secondly, I am a regular follower of Gisele Gambi's Personal Coaching Facebook page. Her words of wisdom always resonate with me. She is an insightful and spiritual person and she has the ability to get to the deep core of an issue with such ease and love.

Gisele talks a lot about choice, and being aware of what you are choosing. When things do not go to plan, have you actually been choosing what you thought you were choosing, or was it something else entirely? While on one level I believe that I want to run and have my running goals planned out, I do not believe I am choosing to succeed in my running.

Whenever I attempt to work my way towards a goal, something always happens to ensure that I almost don't make it. Whatever the goal is, or was, I can find struggle, crisis after crisis, or simply getting behind in my work or plan, finding small reasons to halt my progress until it is almost too late.

I am choosing to struggle. I am choosing to fail. All my choices, whether food or exercise related are largely aimed at giving me an excuse not to be successful. I ate too much last night so there is no point going for a run.I know what I should do, I know what I wan tot do, so why don't I do it?

Having a honest and hard look at myself, I came to the conclusion that I don't believe that I can succeed.

And when you don't believe that you can, you go a long way to ensure that you won't.

The video and the posts I have read this week have given me an insight into what I have been doing. Maybe I was just ready to listen, but I now know that I need to re-examine my beliefs about myself and get them in line with my goals. I don't yet know how, but I know a shift is needed.

Decision making

Yesterday was one of those days.

It was not too bad, nothing was really wrong, it just felt hard. My weekend had been planned in advance and I was going away for the weekend with family and those close to me. I was looking forward to the weekend until I realised how tired I was, at which point I felt that I needed time out. But as soon as I arrived, I was swept off into the plans of the others who had arrived the day before. In hindsight I should have made a different decision and relaxed for a while, but I did not. I got up and went along with the others. They were only going out to swim and paddle board and have fun at the lake, but I did not feel up to it.

My mood started to go down hill at that point. Not dreadfully, but enough to disturb me enough to not enjoy the weekend as I could have. I got caught up in other wishes and activities and I did not listen to what I needed.

I made a choice that was not in my best interests. It seems to be a pattern for me lately. I do what feels easy, I get caught up in other peoples plans and do not take enough time to decide if that is the best thing for me.

It may be going out when I would be better staying at home. It may be going out for drinks when I would be happier watching a movie and having a hot chocolate. It may be staying at work longer than needed and then missing out on my evening run.

These decisions are not made with my best interests at heart. They are made because they are the easy option, a choice that avoids conflict with others, but that causes longer lasting conflict within myself.

I need to learn to make the right decisions for me. As difficult as it is, I am worth it.

On the edge

Today's meditation: standing at the edge of the ocean, a calm ocean, feeling the anticipation flow through my body like warm tingling electricity, on the verge of the future and whatever that may hold. It was neither scary or exciting. It was just what it was, without additional meaning attached to it. Something new was on the horizon, but there was no fear. I felt ready for whatever was going to happen.

Today at work I was faced with a lady, full of fear and anger and willing to take everything out on everyone she came into contact to. I was rattled, angry myself at her treatment of me and others, and wanting to challenge her and set her straight. A little  later I spoke to someone else about her and was surprised at the response: Don't let her suck you into her issues. She was right. I was letting her anger and fear flow into me, and the I was experiencing her reality, not mine. 

After this experience today I was worried that my meditation would be more stressful and full of fear like I experienced today. I was surprised at its calmness. Maybe I am more ready than ever to face what life throws at me, to feel all the feelings, experience the anticipation of what is in front of me, what my future holds.

October Goals

It may be the first week into the month, but its not too late to list some goals for the rest of October. From my list in yesterdays post, I have chosen for things

• Money
• Organisation
• Food
• Exercise

Money

In the Artists Way program I am doing, they talk about money, or lack of it, as an excuse not to get on with fulfilling your creative dreams. The tasks is to write down exactly how much we spend on everything for a week. This is a big one for me, not that I use it as an excuse not to do what I want, but because I am sure I spend more money than I have. I used to have a well-paying job, but now I work less and earn less. I find money very stressful, and as a result I dread opening the mail because I know its going to be another bill, and I wonder how I am going to afford it. I have no savings, just a large mortgage that I draw on too often to pay bills and other expenses as needed. 

This month I am writing down what I spend and will work out a budget from there. 

Organisation

Hmm, not my area of expertise! I'm a pile person, I hate to say! 

I feel like I am always behind in my cleaning and its a mad rush if someone is coming over to get the place in any sort of order. Its a stress I don't need. I also hate people coming over to my place as a result. Its embarrassing. I feel ashamed of my mess. I also end up having to replace things because I don't look after them or simply cant find them ie chargers, tools, clothes. Its a waste of money! (see above). I already follow a blog about organisation so I may head over there to get some help. 

• By the end of the month I would like a cleaning schedule that works, and to get rid of my piles. I also need to do a declutter and maybe even find storage for things I cant store properly at home.

Food and Exercise

Over the last few years I have gained about 10kg. I am struggling to lose the weight, and recently went to  he doctor to see if there was any reason for it. There wasn't. So I guess I just eat more than I need to and exercise less than I should. This does not surprise me. I am so much less active than I used to be, mainly because I am not running around at work the way I used to (I am a nurse), and because my depression has sent me back to bed most days when I can't be bothered to be awake. Its a recipe for disaster. I have tried numerous times to do Michelle Bridges 12wbt, but have given up when I don't see any results. Its very disheartening. I am a personal trainer and I know what I should be doing exercise wise, so I think I just have to get off my arse and do it. 

Food-wise, my biggest problems were grazing. I am a picker. Its a tough habit to change. 

I'm not ready to make any huge commitments as I am scared I will not keep my promise. So I am going to be a bit more general with my goals for this month. They will be:

• Eat 3 meals, 2 snacks
• Exercise 6 days a week
• Don't sleep during the day
• Move more
• Focus on good fresh food rather than calories
• Expand my healthy recipe collection

So that's it for the month of October, lets get started!

Yearly Goals

Following on from my last post, I am attempting to sort my life out over the next year. Usually something you only consider around New Years Eve, I'm starting now, this October.

This month is about getting the foundation right for my year ahead, setting up some habits that will help me remain healthy and hopefully give me some structure to avoid chaos and crisis.

My process for this was to write out all the areas of my life I wanted to work on. Not surprisingly, this list encompassed most things, eel, actually, everything. While an outsider may think my life is relatively normal, I do not feel like anything is really working well. I want more. I want better.

This is my list of areas to work on:

1. Food
2. Exercise
3. Physical Health
4. Mental Health
5. Career
6. Money
7. Relationships
8. Creativity
9. Organisation

I also has a list of premises that underpin everything

1. Mental and Physical health should always be a priority.
2. Work on your weaknesses, exploit your strengths.
3. Go with the flow- Life is not linear and multiple issues will need to be worked on at one time.
4. Seek professional help if you need to.
5. Good things don't always feel good at the time.
6. Staying within comfort zones does not get you very far. To grow you have to push your boundaries.
7. Organisation provides structure that creativity and spontaneity can grow from.
8. Continue projects you are currently working on. This is not a new start, it is a new process.

I even did a mind map which looks something like this (just a lot messier).

A sample mind map- Wikipedia

I then created a list of what I would like to achieve by October 2014. This is not comprehensive, rather more an outline, something to guide my monthly goals. I think in my head I need a destination to strive to so that I can start out heading in the right direction.

Yearly Goals

Health- wellness, free of expression, free of addiction (food, exercise, chaos)

Food/Exercise- balanced diet, healthy weight, body worthy of a personal trainer, worthy of an after photo.

Career- have a growing business combining all my qualifications (Nursing, health, PT). Continue working on The Artist's Way and the possibility of using my talents as an income stream. 

Money- have savings, afford a holiday, be in control of my finances. Work within a budget.

Creativity- painting, quilting, sewing, writing,, whatever I choose. My goal is to financially benefit from my pastimes. 

Relaxations- be free to travel, for work or play. Take a holiday in December 2014 with the children.

Stay tuned tomorrow when I will list my goals for this month.

Health and Happiness

x

 

Sorting myself out

At the beginning of this year I started a journey of improving aspects of my life that I felt were not working for me. Unfortunately, in March, I got shingles in my face and eye and was pretty much incapacitated for a month. It took three months for life to get back to normal physically speaking, but mentally I had taken a battering. My mood dropped, my sleeping increased, I felt bloody dreadful. This has pretty much continued since then, with cycles of feeling okay, then feeling dreadful, up and down. Its now October, and for my own sake, I really need to get a grip on my life again. I feel like a boat without a rudder, knowing where I want to go, but unable to steer myself where I want to go. I feel at the mercy of the wind. Its not how I want to finish of the year, and its not how I want to live.

A month ago I started a program called The Artists Way that takes you through a series of tasks aimed at unblocking your creativity and allowing you to get past the issues that may be preventing you from fulfilling your artistic pursuits. As a painter, I had not painted since the beginning of the year and I really needed to start again. I always feel better when I paint, and I needed anything I could find to pull me out of my depressed slump. The changes were amazing, my motivation to paint, quilt or sew where re-ignited, and I started to feel better about my day. This has led me in the last week to thinking that I also need to focus on the other ares of my life that are in limbo. My career, health and fitness, organisation, money management etc. have all taken a hit and I really need to sort these out.

Earlier in the year I read Gretchen Reuben's The Happiness Project and was inspired by her journey of examining her life and spending a month on different aspects to find what really makes us (or her) happy in life. I've also been interested in reading peoples accounts of having a year off something- sugar, alcohol, whatever takes their fancy. In a way it would be good to focus on one thing,  and it appeals to the obsessive part of my personality, but that does not really suit me at this stage.  I also wonder f doing something for an entire year would be setting myself up for failure. I struggle with consistency (probably another area to work on!) For me, I have a few areas I need to work on, and rather than examining in detail everything, I just want to see how much I can change my life to get it more balanced and in a position where I can achieve what I want to achieve in life.

My plan for October is to get back to basics. In the next day or so I will be listing some goals for the month, including my alcohol-free period, as well as health, fitness and sleep to get my mood back up to build a foundation for the months ahead. Goals are a good way to move forward, to keep on track, to remain motivated. I'll also keep checklists of my progress to see how I'm travelling.

I'm quite excited about this year ahead. But I wont deny I am apprehensive, knowing that I will have to face some changes and new ways of doing things. Hopefully others will check out my progress as the months go on and be a little inspired to change some things themselves.

Goodbye my friend

I am saying goodbye to my friend, wine.

She is going away for a little while as we have been spending way too much time together. Despite me loving every minute that we share, sometimes she gets a little bit too much and like all best friends we fight. Like yesterday. We had a doozy of an argument and I felt so bad I ended up in tears, wondering what the hell had happened.

Not that we usually fight. Sometimes we just spend a few hours together in the evening and get along just fine. Her being there often allows me to do things that I otherwise put off doing, her company helps me get my act together. Other times, she ends up taking my focus away from the things I need to do, and I don't get anything done. I've noticed this a bit lately.

After last night I had to make a serious decision. I think its time for us to part ways for a while, just to see how we fare without each other. I think we need to disentangle ourselves and see how we manage alone. I'll certainly miss her, but sometimes you just need a little break to appreciate each other for what they are. Its hard to say goodbye, but its the right thing to do at this time. I need to look after me for a while, and sometimes soon I'll re-evaluate the situation again.

So for now, its goodbye. I may see you later, I may not. I'll see what the future brings.

xx

It's easier

Why don't we do things that leave us feeling do good?

Today I walked out of the gym after a tough leg session feeling on top of the world. But I had not been for 5 days. Why? The usual reasons- too tired, too moody, too busy, too hot, too late, what's the
point etc. Yes, I'd been for walks but I had not kept up with my weights (resistance training) program. I know all these excuses are just that, excuses, but I fell into that trap that many if us get caught in, when we make unhealthy choices because its easier, despite us knowing better, despite it not being easier in the long run.

My exercise example is the same as other different choices that people make everyday.
- continuing to smoke despite knowing its bad for your health
- eating fast food because you did not prepare any thing else
- not exercising because you hate the gym and refuse to wear lycra
- putting off your health check that is overdue.

One of my hobbies unrelated to health is painting. It is something that I have always enjoyed but over the last year or so I have struggled to get started and have doubted my capabilities and creativity. Sitting on the couch one day, despairing at my situation, I looked at my bookshelf and saw the book The Artists Way by Julie Cameron. Its been sitting in my bookshelf for maybe 15 years. when I picked it up, I knew that it was what I needed. I flicked through the pages and made the decision to start straight away- a simple 12 week program that involves writing 3 pages in a journal every morning, and doing some simple tasks each week that don't take a lot of time.

I started writing. Initially it was hard to remember, and hard to make myself do it. Like any new habit, it takes time to get into the swing of it. Thoughts such as "this seems stupid" and "what's the point"  filled me with doubt. How could I become more creative by writing seemingly meaningless lines every morning?

Then a strange thing happened. My motivation to be creative increased. I started to
realise what I wanted to achieve, both creatively and career-wise. Things that I had once loved doing but had given up were now on my to-do list again. It began to be easier to write than not to write.

That was my aha moment! It's easier to do what you know you should do than to avoid
doing it.

If you avoid something, chances are you spend more time thinking about it
than you would have spent just doing it! The guilt experienced when you put something off. The mind-games you play with yourself to justify not doing it. The silly excuses you use to
justify your decision not to do it. The things you say you'll do instead to make up for
not doing what you should have. It's exhausting!

Same with exercise for me (and probably you too!). I have a certain time of day that I go to the
gym. If I don't go then, the mind games start.

- "If I go later, I can have a nap now, I'm so tired because I did not sleep well last night, because I was hyped up after an evening gym session"
- "If I go home now, I can watch the daytime soaps, then I can go to the gym when the
kids get home from school (if I don't need to help with homework)".

It's never-ending negotiations. These thoughts and the feelings of guilt, regret and
shame last much longer than the gym session would have!

Looking at my table below, which would you rather feel?

Going to the gym	Not going to the gym
Endorphin rush afterwards Feel proud about effort Keep motivated No mind games and negotiations Increased chance of eating healthy food after Sleep better	Feel guilty Lose motivation Start mind-games and negotiating to justify excuses Increased chance of making unhealthy food choices Feel under-active and lethargic

Its a simple choice. The decision to go to the gym is so much easier. Same with making healthy food choices or making time to get that health check you've been putting off. Sometimes just getting out there and facing what you are avoiding saves a whole lot of pain later on.

It's easier to do what you know you should do than to avoid
doing it.

Health and happiness xx

Week 2 overview

Week 2 is nearly over and it has been a bit of a hard week- nearly over meaning I have two workouts and two and a half days of eating to go. I'll have a whinge, then I'll tell you all the good things that are happening.

This week I have been so tired, I'm not sure whether its the lack of calories or the daily exercise, but my body is tired. I feel fine at the gym and work hard, but I'm just lacking energy. I have considered putting my calories up and changing to a maintenance nutrition plan, but ideally I would like to lose a couple of kilos. I'm unsure what to do, but as a precaution I am ensuring that I have protein shakes following my workouts. At least then I can replenish my tired muscles.

Work has also been different this week, I am by myself as the others are on holidays. This is only hard as I don't have any other adult conversation in my day. I get home and its just me and the kids. Last night when I met my partner for dinner, it was really the only adult conversation I had had since the weekend. Thanks god for the internet!

Now I'll stop my moaning and tell you all the good things! Firstly, I am stronger than two weeks ago. I could only do four push ups on my toes, now I can do 8 with my feet raised to knee height. I have also increased my weights on most of my exercises, and I have increased the resistance on the Cross Trainer. My clothes are feeling more comfortable and my waistline feels like it is shrinking. Even after 2 weeks I feel more toned, a little more muscular. I haven't lost weight, I've gained 100g, but this is really nothing. My body composition feels like it is changing, and that's exactly what I want.

Weekend and Super Saturday Session (aka Super Sore Sunday), I'm facing you head on!

Week 1 TGIF

What a week, I'm really getting into this 12wbt, enjoying the food and exercise, feeling good about my progress and enthusiasm. I feel quite empowered, just because I am making good choices. I know that I am progressing forwards, so I have none of that usual guilt about not exercising or guilt about the food I am eating. I have been a little hungry, so I am watching what I snack on and making sure they fill me up.

I have also found it really helpful to document my workouts at the gym each day. The 12wbt program shows a range of weights, but to ensure that I am working at my hardest and heaviest, I have a record of the last weight I used. Then each time I try to increase the weight or the reps to get the most out of my workout. Its seems to work much better than just "remembering" or winging it at the time.

So, today being Friday, I have today and tomorrow's workouts to go before I can rest for the weekend. Tomorrows Super Saturday Session looks very scary! I'm defineitely not looking forward to that!

Scary weights!!

Change to change

Day 2 of 12wbt and I seem to be doing ok. Last night was the hardest part so far hard as I was starving when I went to bed and could not stay sleep. It was mostly due to hunger but also because of the nerve pain from my shingles on my face. It was driving me crazy. I managed to scratch the hell out of my eye and forehead and needed to take painkillers and phenergan at 230am. This morning I was exhausted!

My day was really busy and I could tell by mid-morning that I would not make the gym by 1230pm as planned. Now, I usually have lunch after the gym, but today it was getting too late. I was really hungry, but knew if I had lunch first I may have ditched the gym. The usual excuses "I'll do it later" started entering my thoughts, "I'm too tired", then "I'm so hungry, I'll have something different, I'll buy a healthy sandwich, its more carbs but so what". Now, none of these would be unreasonable, I was tired, I was hungry, I was running late. Presented with these thoughts it suddenly hit me.

If I want my body to change, I have to change.

If I want to change, I have to change what I do.

Sounds simple, but it was a lightbulb moment. I thought, if not now, when? Why keep making excuses? Don't do it tomorrow, do it today. Just f***ing do it. JFDI.

So I did.

I went to the gym, even though I was a little hungry. I didn't effect my workout.
I bought a simple salad with protein, similar to what was on the menu for dinner tonight.
I will eat my chicken noodle soup for dinner.
Despite my busy day, I managed to stick to the program.

I'm guessing that I make a lot of excuses, which is why I struggle to reach my goals. If I can work this out on Day 2 of the program, I am eager to see what else will come up in the following weeks. Hoepfully I can meet those challenges head on, too.

I'm really excited!

12wbt- Round 2

Round 2 of the 12wbt starts tomorrow, 13th May. I registered for last round but became terribly sick with shingles and was pretty much in bed for about 5 weeks. Needless to say I did not finish. So, with a lot of thought as to whether or not I could go it alone, I decided I needed the support of others from the forums, so I signed up.

Part of the program is completing the preseason tasks, and one of the most important is to make a commitment to the program and to others around you. Ive told the most important people- I told my partner I would not be drinking and would be concentrating on my diet and exercise for 3 months. I asked my mother not to buy snacks for the kids or packaged frozen foods because I will be watching what I we all eat (and if its there I am likely to eat their food!). My sister in law mentioned 12wbt this morning and I told her I was doing it. So, basically, the important people know. Here's my commitment, out loud:

I am committing to following the 12wbt Lean and Strong program for the duration of the program. I am also committing the next 6 months to achieve my goals of obtaining the body that I want, one that reflects me as a personal trainer, the one that I have always wanted. I commit to working on my mind and my self-esteem which is getting in the way of me achieving my gaols and dreams. Most importantly, I commit to completing Round 2. If something happens along the way I will deal with it and keep going.

The best thing is at the end of 6 months, I'm planning on taking the kids to Bali. That's incentive to stick to the program and see what I can look like in a bikini next summer. Nothing worse than getting all suited up in a new bikini and feeling like a beached whale.

Bali Holiday 2011

It all starts tomorrow. I feel like the possibilities are endless!

9km done and dusted!

Yesterday I was worried about achieving my goal of 9km (or rather following the 12wbt half marathon running program). But today, with a few minor setbacks, I did it!

I woke up this morning and it was pissing pouring down. Typical! The same thing happened a few weeks ago when I signed up for the 7km Sun Run- that day I stayed in bed. Today, with time on my side, I waited a couple of hours until about 1030am. Then off I went. Sometimes I am really worried about whether I will make the distance, but this morning, for whatever reason, it did not enter my mind.

I have done the track before and measured it on my GPS so I knew where the 9 km mark was. All was going well. I used a few little tricks to get my mind of the running, i.e. timing myself from one landmark to the next. I estimated that I was more than half way there, and the track suddenly ended with a sign "path under construction, due to reopen in 2014". I loved that path! Tranquil, in the bush, no cars in sight! The only thing I could do was  turn around and run back the way I had come.

At that point I had to change tack and measure my run in time rather than distance. The actual program says "60imns or 9km run", so it became a clock-watching episode. And for me there is nothing worse. Time goes so slowly when you are in pain (a little exaggeration, but I was a little slower and sorer than at the start). My podcasts were helping, I find these much better to listen to than music because it gives me a story to concentrate on, rather than to tune out which is what happens with music.

60 minutes finally came, and even though I have no idea what actual distance I ran, I achieved what I set out to achieve- to be able to complete the long run of the Week 1 half marathon program. Only 11 weeks to go!

Rx

5 days done

Its Friday of Week 1 of the 12wbt, I've followed the exercise and food plan to a near tee (one night out yesterday for Valentine’s Day). It’s been good, though I am feeling very tired.

Tomorrow I am due to do a 9km run as part of the half marathon program. I have not run that for 3 months. Two weeks ago I did a 7km run, and that is the closest I have come to my old personal best distance of 10km. I'm feeling very nervous about tomorrows run as it will indicate to me whether or not I am aiming too high to be able to do a half marathon in 12 weeks time. Not that it is the end of the world if I take an extra few weeks or so to it, but my ego says "you've done it before, you can do it again!".

Only time will tell. A good sleep, a good breakfast, a little caffeine and I'll be on my way.



Nothing like a challenge!!

12 (wbt) reasons.....

12 (wbt) reasons why I could cry right now…..



1.       I had my before photos for the Michelle Bridges 12wbt taken this morning.

2.       I felt embarrassed about the photos

3.       I am now heavier than when I was pregnant

4.       I felt ashamed about my behavior that has resulted in the image of me in the photos

5.       I kept thinking about the photos all day, and therefore,

6.       I kept being reminded of what I have not done recently (ie Enough Exercise)

7.       I know the next 12 weeks are going to hurt

8.       Knowing I deserve the next 12 weeks to hurt

9.       Knowing that I am going to have to pull out some extreme resilience to get through the next 12 weeks

But also….



10.   Knowing that in 12 weeks time I can feel very differently

11.   Knowing that it is going to take a lot more tears to feel and look differently

12.   Knowing it is up to me to change, it is my responsibility for where I am now, and it is my responsibility for where I end up.

Despite feeling like crying, I am also excited about the possibilities of what the next 3 months could bring. There is a ray of hope.

Rx